Oliver Grumley

 Introduction: This is a first draft of a fictional satire. Place? Keystonia, a sister State of Pennsylvania. Who's in charge? Oliver Grumley, governor, giving his state address to the citizens.

  So, a message from Oliver Grumley:

  Hello my fellow citizens. During the past two years in office I am sure you've seen lots of changes. As my campaign promises were clearly documented, I have made them a reality. Here in Keystonia, we don't have the problems that plague our sister state, Pennsylvania. This is one place were family law has changed.

  1. I speak plainly. As you know, one of the first things I did as governor was to reactivate the original 13th amendment to our constitution. Lawyers no longer can hold public office and no more titles of nobility for public servants. Remember in the abusive days, when you had to call even a district justice by the title, "your honor"? Those days are long gone. I took an oath to uphold and defend the constitution against enemies both foreign and domestic. I serve the public by living up to my oath of office.

  2. As for separation of church and state, yes, here in Keystonia we had a divorce, for that is how I interpret the word, separation. As you have seen recently, over 34 pieces of legislation having 16,284 entires had been deleted from the statutory laws in Keystonia. Simply, my dear citizens, we cleaned house and purged all religious influence from state government. This is in addition to every state building has been purged of any type of religious image. I have kept my promise in that the first building to be purged was the State Supreme Court.

  3. Am I against religion? Of course not. Any religion has the right to exist or perish on its own. We have deemed all religious ideology a form of hate since by its own uniqueness, brings with it its own brand of bigotry. All the more reason to separate it from civil government: for that is what the constitution demanded by amendment. Yes, if civil government is to be fair and equitable, then it cannot favor any religious ideology. As a result, cast them all out of the civil forum.

  4. Here in Keystonia, we have deemed, since it takes two to make a baby, when an egg is fertilized, the species gets pregnant. The two active parties who brought about this act, hold by default joint benefit and liability from the beginning. The marital status of a person is non relevant, for that is a religious concept germane to a parish, not a county.

  5. What happens in Pennsylvania? A woman, most often, can go to court, lie through her teeth without fear of being arrested for perjury. Here in Keystonia, the soap opera days are history. Any person, male or female, convicted of perjury in a domestic case forfeits all claims to the child(-ren).

  6. Yes, in Keystonia I have made radical changes in domestic law. One of the first pieces of legislation enacted was to abolish the "marriage license" as unconstitutional. Long before there was a "state" the species had the right to reproduce. The laws enacted to this end by no means restrict the enterprise of reproduction. We have chosen the neutral medium of science to uphold legislation that places certain acts as "illegal" since medical science has proven detrimental to the gene pool.

  7. As a result of sweeping legislation, within two years over 42% of such places as domestic violence centers have shut down since they are no longer needed. (Our undercover investigation revealed that these places created the very violence they sought to control.)

  8. I have also re-instituted the jury trail as a right upon demand. Here in Keystonia, we do things out in the open, in the light of day, before the public.

  9. Agencies such as children and youth have also undergone radical change. A full dependency hearing is done before a jury. In Keystonia, being a parent is a right, not a privilege. No longer is said agency under the control of the county commissioners.

  10. A social worker, if convicted of forging documents, gets a mandatory five year prison term.

  Footnote: As mentioned above, this is a first draft. Recently, legislation was passed in a big hurry in regards to domestic terrorists. Proof that bureaucrats can get off golf course and gets things done when need arises. The same can happen in the domestic arena of family law. Currently, there is no incentive to change things because the bureaucrats have much to lose. Collecting support is big business.

  Dated: 10-27-01

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Updated: 12-27-2001