Visit Report, Lehigh Valley Mall, 12-01-2001
First of all, prior to this date, 12-01-2001, the last time I saw my daughter was on 09-08-2001. Almost three months ago. Reasons will be linked at the bottom of the page.
After calls back and forth, from my one attorney to children & youth, it was decided that I could drive 43 miles (one way) to visit my daughter at the Lehigh Valley Mall, on 12-01-2001, from 10:00 am to 1:00 pm. (Three hours.)
A letter from my attorney arrived yesterday, the 30th, stated the time and place. But the actual location to meet was to be provided by children & youth. Jodi called early in the week and said to meet in front of "TGI's Friday's Restaurant". She said she would call back, that date, in a few hours and never did. After a few days of waiting, yesterday, 11-20-2001, I left a message for Jodi to fax me the instructions. (I like to have things documented in writing.) Written instructions were not faxed.
I was never at the Lehigh Valley Mall before. I arrived at 9:45 am. Could not believe the size of the complex. Walked in and asked where Friday's Restaurant is located. Was informed no such place was in the mall.
At that point I didn't know what to do. Where even to begin to look for my daughter in such a large, crowded complex. It took a half hour but both parties found each other. (After three months of waiting, I lost 30 minutes with my daughter. No extra time was allowed after 1:00 pm. My opinion, deliberate with no paper trail of wrong instructions.)
My daughter is at an impressionable age. The imprinting process is developing quickly. I often wondered what kind of head games were played with my daughter these past months? Who came to the mall? Carolyn and her daughter, Amanda. Posture and semantics, what I call typical foster-script, was in full swing. Prior to the separation of three months, my daughter and I bonded well. When seeing her at the mall this date, she was spooked beyond words. I thought to myself, What have they been pumping in her head these past months? What was going on during the drive over to the mall? She was afraid, crying and what seemed to be in panic fear. Carolyn, saying, (in essence) We tried to explain this and say that. Typical foster-script. While Carolyn was holding my daughter, Amanda was playing kissee-face and secret whispers, nose to nose, as usual.
(Children & Youth talk about parents who abuse children. What about mental abuse used as ploy, by the foster family, to alienated a child from the natural parent so they can satisfy their greed.)
After it seemed obvious that Carolyn was stalling (as usual), to hand over my daughter, the chaperon stepped in to speed things along. Within about a half hour my daughter calmed down and we started interacting without any problems. What an awkward situation. Can you realize how embarrassing and humiliating it is during such a visit?
As for the chaperon, she seemed like a nice lady. Said she was the transportation supervisor for children & youth. Below is her picture.
During the next 2 1/2 hours, besides interacting with my daughter, the chaperon and I had intermixing discussion. Small talk and beyond. It seemed a friendly manner, as she gave personal information about her own family while I gave a few details of what I was going through. While shopping she happened to meet her aunt and introduced me to her. That was nice. (As I mentioned in a different section of this site, one aspect is "In The Dark" only giving the players limited information in attempt that personal bias and other factors will fill in the gaps.)
As for "protocol" during such a visit, from my research several questions came to mind. (a) Was security at the mall notified? (b) Axillary, plain clothes personnel assigned? (c) What else? (More of this said later.)
My primary concern was easing my daughter's emotions. One trick I use is called object association. (Learned that form the very same people who utilize this as means to alienate a child from a parent. It can works both ways.) How is that done? Identify certain visual stimulus, mixed in with a distinct ritual, to project an object onto the stimulus. Why? So when a child is with the natural parent during a visit, the child is constantly reminded to think of someone else. This allows the child to forget as much as possible of the child-parent interaction. It seems Carolyn is very familiar with this tactic. So am I. (I will explain that in the section called "THE YES GAME.")
The next page has a few pictures that were taken during the visit today.